Saturday, October 25, 2014


     Have you ever thought about traveling the world, seeing different cultures, meeting different people but all you do is staying home and not doing anything to accomplish it?
     I'm exactly in this position. I dream about visiting new places around the world all my life but I haven't done anything to turn it into reality. "I don't have the financial ability to go to some foreign country" is the most often thing I say to myself. That's the truth and I live with it. But on the other side, I believe in the inspirational quote: "If you want it really bad, you'll find a way". And this is the reason why I feel so guilty about it. I can blame only myself for staying home instead of living my dream somewhere else. When thinking about it, I repeat the quote so it can motivate me to really do something. And it works.. for awhile. I start looking for tickets for a
bus/plane, after that for the prices of the hostels and etc. The longer I'm considering what is needed to go, the more unmotivated I become. It looks like that if you don't have any money, it doesn't matter how much you want to go.
     But anyway, I'm an optimist and I don't want to believe in that. I'm sure that one day I will travel to whatever place on earth I want. I'll be at the right place in the right time. This is how it's supposed to be. I believe that life isn't as bad as most people think and one day I'll prove it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The feeling of missing someone

Have you ever felt like you are really missing someone whom you are most of the time with?
When you are almost the whole time with someone (for example, five days together and two days separated), the day you have to go is nothing special, you know you'll see him/her one or two days later so it's not a big deal. You even enjoy a little time only for you. But when the night comes and you sit at home all by yourself different thoughts come into your mind - some good, others - not so good. And you maybe start wondering if your partner was with you in this moment would you still think about these things..
And most of the times the answer is "no". When you are with your half the world seems  a better place.
But still, there are moments when you feel not so fine no matter with or without him/her. When you are alone and you start over thinking, all you need is a hug from the person who is away from you. And there are times when you are with you partner and things don't go very well and you want to be alone.
Why is this happening? Why being alone and being with him/her is so complicated sometimes. I love my boyfriend and I can’t imagine my future without him. But sometimes I just want to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I tell him almost everything but there are things which are better for him to not know about.
I end up not saying anything about spending time alone and maybe that’s the best decision because I’m happier when I’m with him. When I stay by myself I think about not so optimistic things and after a  couple of thoughts I need him to calm me down or I will continue overthinking (and even crying). And the awful part is that in my worst moments he isn’t there for me. I can always call him and tell him how I feel. But I don’t want he to know about my “dark” side. And I act like normal.
And lets talk about the not so pessimistic part. Not every time when he isn’t with me I feel depressed. Most of the time I’m doing my things (like listening music, drawing, watching a movie and etc.) and I’m fine with it. Having free time makes me think about all kinds of stuff and one of them is how I want my life to be like and who to be in it. I feel incomplete when he isn’t laying next to me - this is the reason why he is a big part of my life.
           Am I obsessed with this person and I can’t live without him? Or am I used to spend my time with him? Or am I really in love with him? The answer of the first question is “no” because I’m sure that even if something happens and we aren’t a couple anymore I’ll live through it. The second question is hard to answer because when you’re with someone a lot of time partly you get used to him. The answer of the third question is definitely “yes”. I love my boy to the bottom of my bones and no matter what this is the thing I’m most sure of.